I Didn't Choose Marriage

I used to want to be married real bad. But when I met my husband that changed.

For a long time, marriage felt like the ultimate goal — the thing I needed to feel secure, accomplished, and chosen. I wanted the title, the commitment, the forever. And in the past, I let that desire lead me into and hold me in relationships where I was more focused on getting married than making sure I was doing it with the right person.

But when I reconnected with my husband, a childhood sweetheart who I was relearning as an adult, something shifted. This time around, I wasn’t chasing marriage. I wasn’t focused on just being a wife. I wasn’t trying to make someone fit into an idea I had in my head. Instead, I was choosing him — the actual person. His heart, his character, his laughter, his presence. I was choosing a partnership, not just an institution.

I was no longer interested in trying to make something to work just so I can say I have it. I mean really, what good is being in a marriage if the person you’re in it with isn’t right for you?

Who you choose to share your life with isn’t just about love or companionship, it’s a decision that affects nearly every aspect of your life. The person you marry influences your happiness, your career trajectory, the way you raise your children, your emotional and mental well-being, even the way you see and navigate the world. Studies have shown that a supportive spouse can contribute to greater career success, better health, and overall life satisfaction. On the flip side, choosing the wrong partner can leave you stressed, stagnant, and out here looking 10 years older than you actually are... and ain’t nobody got time for that!

When I reconnected with my husband, I was focused on the way he made me feel safe, the way we could talk for hours, and how we naturally brought out the best in each other.

That feeling of safety isn’t just physical, it’s emotional and mental, too. I knew I could be vulnerable with him without fear of judgment. That kind of security builds trust, which I think is the foundation of any healthy partnership, whether it’s romantic or business, or something else. It meant I could express my thoughts, my fears, and my dreams openly, knowing he would listen and support me, not dismiss or belittle me.

The fact that we could talk for hours wasn’t just about good conversation, it spoke to a deeper emotional connection and compatibility. We challenge each other, we learn from each other, and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. That’s the kind of communication that sustains a relationship through the highs and lows, ensuring we’re always on the same team. And that kind of communication also deepens our friendship.

Bringing out the best in each other is really about mutual growth. He doesn't only love me as I am; he continues to support the woman I am becoming. I want to be better, not because I feel pressure to change, but because being with him makes me feel capable, seen, and inspired. And I do the same for him.

At the end of the day, marriage is a choice you make every single day. And the person you choose to make it with? Well, that’s what truly defines the partnership and the life you build together. So no, this time around I didn’t choose marriage... I chose love. I chose respect. I chose trust. I chose friendship. I chose my person.

BH